this thing about magic

Just recently someone texted me.. yung fucking lesbo! sabi ko:


tangina mo!



hehehehe!!! hindi naman ako mganun kabastos kase hindi naman bastos yung message niya, sabi lang niya na alam niya yung story namin, she's apologizing daw for everything, sabi ko:

okay lang yun.. you can suck mine though

hahahaha!!! hindi naman.. pero something to that effect, nakalimutan ko na yung sinabi ko pero pag wala kang tulog at may nag text sayo nang ganun, tendency is, mapapatay mo yung sender in a single text message.

Okay na ba? I think okay nako. I'm just waiting for something right now, everything seems in a haze, pero ok na. sabi nga, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

What's with the title? Magic. Nine years is a magic... yun lang! walang clue!

***

nagbababad sa kahihintay
inaabangan na makasabay
kapiling tuwina
kahit sa isip lamang
di magsasawa ang puso
sa pagbibilang sa atin

bitin ang galaw

gustong sumigaw
ang problema ko'y ikaw
di makagalaw
ako'y hihiyaw
ang problema ko'y ikaw

Problema ko'y ikaw -Spelling Contest

Sharp Disaster

i would really love to write things that would make me happy right now, pero, overpowering yung emotions ko ngayon na hindi ko mapigilang umiyak while i am writing this post.

At first, akala ko okay nako, okay na lahat sa amin at naghihintay na lang kame ng time. Then suddenly may text akong nabasa sa cel nya.

"baby, pakakasalan kita."

Tangina! ANG SAKET!

halos lahat ng memories na naipon ko together with her through the years ay unti-unting nawawala. for nine years, halos walang makaka-isip na magkakaganun pa. bumabalik lahat nung time na you're both fighting for something beautiful, something na mag la-last forever. pakiramdam ko tuloy, hindi siya naging masaya sa mga taon na naging kame. halos di ako makahinga nung nabasa ko yun, namanhid ang buong katawan ko, parang gusto kong ibalik yung time na magiging magkakilala pa lang kame at putulin na duon yung memories ko. lahat ng naipon naming pictures eh nasa akin pa, lahat ng notes tsaka mga other things na naibigay nung mga years na hindi pa uso ang text messaging at blogging, hindi ko na alam kung anu pang gagawin ko sa mga yun. hindi ko na rin alam kung paano ulit mag start, yung mag-uumpisa ulit buuin yung sarili pagkatapos kang mabasag. kung paano ka ulit matutulog na hindi siya yung iniisip mo, kung paano ka iiyak nang hindi siya ang laman ng mga luha mo. paano ka babalik nine years ago nung hindi pa kayo magkakilala para unti-unting mabura sya sa isip mo, kase hindi mo kayang mag move forward dahil wala ka nang kamay na hahawakan pa para sumulong. paano mo bubuuin yung buhay mo nine years ago na hindi siya kasama. hindi lahat ng masaya natatapos ng maganda.

marami akong balak gawin, pero parang wala na yung push ko, yung driving force ko. kahit gaano kasakit kelangan tanggapin dahil yun lang ang alam kong dapat una kong gawin. tanggapin na wala na.

***

para lalong masakit, kanta nya to para sa akin nuon...

There are places I remember all my life,
Though some have changed
Some forever, not for better
Some have gone and some remain.
All these places have their moments
Of lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I loved them all.

And with all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these mem'ries lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
And I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them.
In my life I loved you more.

And I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them.
In my life I loved you more
In my life I loved you more

*sorry kung hindi nako makakatulog ng maayos.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Malapit na naman ang annual christmas party namin. For almost 6 years na rin kaming nagse-celebrate ng zio christmas party. 3 consecutive years yata akong absent nun, at puro batikos ang inabot ko, but last year was very different. Ginawa naming extra special last year because it's zionist's 10 year anniversary, ibig sabihin, 10 years nang naggagaguhan ang mga miyembro nito hahaha!

Zionist was supposedly 4 na member lang before, isa yata itong pangalan ng isang banda nung high school, eh since hindi sumikat yung banda sa school, at wala ni isang tugtugang natugtugan, eh yung mga member ng band ay humanap na lang ng kanilang groupie. Hanggang sa dumami na ng dumami at nakalimutan na yung banda at naging isang samahan. 2nd yaer high school ako nun nung nabalitaan ko itong grupo na to. Wala akong balak salihan, kase bawal samen nung high school sumali sa mga ganito, yung mga sumasali sa kanila ay patago lang, don't get me wrong, hindi ito isang fraternity na pag sumali ka eh kailangan ka pang paluin para magmakaawang isali.

Ang zionist ay grupo ng mga mahihilig sa music, be it jazz, rock, alternative, musicals (sa mga bading na member), pop (sa mga pink members) at kung anu-ano pang genre ng music. Dun basically nag umpisa at nakilala ang grupo. Nung high school di ko pa kilala kung sino-sino ang mga to, dahil rumors lang naman ang existence ng grupong ito nung una, hanggang sa nakasama ko ang ilan sa kanila at naging kaklase. Biglaan ang pagkakasali ko sa grupo, parang pagkagising ko ay may isang demonyo na nag guide sa akin na ito ang tamang daan. Una, sama-sama lang ako, mukhang normal naman na magkakaibigan na mahilig sa music ang mga ito, kaya napasama nako. 4th year high school na nung magsimula ang mga drinking session, halos every weekend ay may ganitong okasyon. Ang topic, MUSIC! Lahat ng bago sa rock scene, new album, new band at kung sino-sinong demonic guitar gods.

Hanggang sa nag evolve ang grupo, naging sentimental, tulad na rin ng mga songs na pinakikinggan. Naging mas transparent ang isa't-isa, na lalo namang nagpatibay sa bonding ng mga demonyitong ito. Halos lahat, kahit hindi mo naging kaklase ay naging bestfriend mo (think 1970s nung time ng mga hippie) hanggang ngayon naman ay hindi na maiaalis yung ganung bonding nyo, once nag evolve kayo sa ganun hindi na kayo pwedeng bumalik sa simula kahit matagal pa kayong hindi nagkita, the only way is to evolve uli.

Pare, nasaan na ang zionist? andyan lang yun, sa tabi-tabi, hindi mawawala.

College ako nun at nahiwalay na ang ilan sa mga miyembro, merong nangibang bansa para mag-aral at yung iba sa iba't ibang lugar na sa Pilipinas. May mga nag stay at nagpatuloy sa tradition, may mga ilan na sumusulpot at nawawala ulet. Pero kung anu pa man, alam naman nila na may babalikan sila. Ang mga naiwan, nag evolve ulet, naging mas solid ang bonding at naging mga darna(mga bading! hahahaha!)

Kaya may annual christmas party para pagsaluhan ang mga memories nang nagdaang taon, tulad ng isang lumang kanta, pag narinig mo ulet, babalikbalikan mo. After so many years, sa mga late night binges, sa race the sun experience, sa mga Prater nights, Dencios' drinking session, sa mga Bryan's house arrest, Gino's Ref raiders, Erwin's musical extravaganza, Gettin' jiggy with a punk sa Kalookan, jamming with spelling, hanging-out with the infidels, ay masasabi ko na...

no music no life!

salamat sa ala-alang bubuuin pa.


-IT'S A ZIO WORLD AFTER ALL

enter pinoy big brother theme song (hahahahaha!!!!) (rip-off! rip-off! rip-off!)

With Compliments..

Nov. 1, i went to cemetery to visit our loved ones who already passed away, akala ko nung una baka hindi ako makakapunta, pero yun nga naka-visit din ako. Pagdating ko sa cemetery, napaka -init! at maraming tao! sobrang siksikan at sari-sari ang amoy- may amoy adobo, amoy pakbet, amoy shawarma at amoy paksiw, pati yung t-shirt ko nakisali rin sa samu't-saring amoy(yung shirt lang ha.) Ewan ko ba, ba't yung fave shirt ko pa ang nagkaroon ng amoy na ganun, naligo naman ako ng pabango, pero lakas ng power ng stinking shirt ko.

Sa dami ng tao na nanduon, nahiya tuloy ako. Hindi kase ako sanay magsuot ng ganun. May dala akong messenger bag, pero ewan ko kung ba't di ko naisipan na magdala ng extra shirt man lang. Siguro sa pagmamadali. At sa gitna ng kainitan, akalain mo ba namang biglang umulan ng malakas, buti na lang may dala akong mini-payong sa bag ko (yung tipong pag nasobrahan ng tiklop eh pwedeng bangkang papel sa liit.) Hindi nakuntento ang ulan, nilakasan talaga niya ang buhos niya, heto na, nabasa nako ng tuluyan.

After half an hour or more, tumigil na rin si ulan. At bigla namang umaraw. Ang sarap sa pakiramdam. Malagkit. (uso naman daw ang rice cake pag araw ng patay.) Prang gusto ko nang umuwi, pero hindi pa pwede dahil may dadaanan pa ko ng gabing iyon sa sementeryo sa Malabon. Ang amoy ko? overpowering na! umupo na lang ako sa tabi ng kapatid ko at nag patuyo ng mala-basahan kong shirt. The worst eh i'm so short on cash that day and wala akong dalang car! Buwiset! ba't ba sa lahat naman ng day eh dun ko pa nakalimutan mag dala ng extra cash! tuloy sana nakabili ako ng shirt.

Siguro hindi ako nakapag-prepare nung day na yun kase kala ko hindi ako makakaalis. Pero okay lang, kahit na short sa cash eh, puro kain naman ako. kase ang daming hinandang pagkain, sobra! tsaka masaya naman ako't nabisita ko at naipag-pray ko lahat ng dapat kong pasalamatan na mga loved ones nung day na yun. Kahit na umulan at hindi nakapunta yung regular kong ka-buddy na kasa-kasama ko sa Malabon, fulfilled naman ako at nagawa ko lahat ng dapat kong gawin nung day na yun.

Bry first absent mo 'to!

***

"Love me when i least deserve it, because that's when i need it most."

A reflection on the book "Brave New World"

Helholtz shook his head. "Not quite. I'm thinking of a queer feeling I sometimes get, a feeling that I've got something to say and the power to say it - only I don't know what it is and I can't make any use of the power. If there was some different way of writing.... or else something else to write about..."

"It's not enough for the phrases to be good; what you make of them ought to be good too."

-Excerpt from 'Brave New World' by Aldous Huxley

These steel walls keep pressing
Breaking me inside-out,
tis bloodthirsty beast
Of tall buildings, neon lights
and random disguise.

Raping the innocence of soul
A stupor of madness
A heart cries for desire

Saints are weeping,
Their eyes bloodshot
And their flesh Thorne
By blades of the beast’s wings

Heroes’ caskets, buried in secrets-deep
In a marked thought
a forgotten wound
of past’s misfortune

I also am disguised
Clean with passion and arrogance
I am no longer human
but a victim of brutal purification.

And the earth’s dirt
are only eaten by men,
who seek truth within these
steel walls of disgust.

cry me a river, build me a bridge ,then do us all a favour and jump of it.

Baluuut!!!! Baluuut!!!!

Knelzone: Manong! Isa nga pong balut.

Manong balut: eto.. asin?

Knelzone: wag na po..

Manong balut: madalas akong napapadaan dito pero parang ngayon lang kita nakita. Taga rito

ka ba iho? Madami akong customer dito kaya madalas ako dito. Ilan, mga kilalang personalities

sa showbiz, ang ilan naman eh mga politicians. Ikaw politiko ka ba? Hindi siguro.. pero mukha

kang artista ah.

Napanuod mo ba yung that’s entertainment kahapon? Ang galing talaga sumayaw ng Universal

Motion Dancers. Paborito ko yung sayaw nila sa “Always.” Kaso, parang kulang. Gusto ko

sanang dagdagan. Siguro pag nakita ko na sila next week ituturo ko sa kanila yung steps ko,

ganito oh…. (kinampay ang mga kamay pataas at kumembot-kembot)

Knelzone: mmmp… (muntik nang mabulunan)

Manong balut: ano tingin mo? Masyado bang makembot? Well, masarap ba ang balut ko?

Refined kase ang mga sisiw nyan sa loob. Tsaka, ang nanay niyan eh artista, yung ginamit na

bibe (duck) dun sa pelikula ni Maricel Soriano. Kaya paborito kong alaga yung bibe (duck) na

yun eh.

Sa susunod bibigyan na kita ng special discount kase mukhang magiging suki kita. Ang sarap mo

kaseng kausap. Mauna na ko sayo kase madami pa kong dadaanan.

Knelzone: sige po, ingat po kyo.

Manong balut: o eto nga pala sukli mo. thanks.

knelzone: (isip.. isip...) dumarami yata adik ngayon???

***

Wet paper apartment
nothing to hide, nothing to spare
thorn apart and lost

Inside, a dark box of crumpled paper
A mirror of my life
colors melting
organic plastic sunshine

I'm walking away from you now
leaving you with all you have now
Having nothing is wanting a lot
Though your sky seem blue
I'm walking away from you

Leaving a wet paper apartment, well,
wet.

Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to.

knelzone: tsong, punta tayo ng Punta Fuego!
(message sending...)(message sent!)






(1 message received!)
friend: huh??? sige, sino-sino kasama? may sasakyan ba? kelan?






knelzone: sino-sino kasama? syempre yung may mga pera lang..
(message sending...)(message sent!)






(1 message received!)
friend: ah.. wala akong pera eh.. pero gusto kong sumama.






knelzone: sige, hanap ka muna ng matandang bakla na pwedeng mag-fund sayo.. good luck!
(message sending...)(message sent!)

buwahahahaha!!!





(after 10 hours, ni-reject ko na ang idea na pumunta pa dun. sigh...)

***

I'am swimming in a bowl of dreams
spaces are void
useless and ineffective
surreal reality of wretchedness
fiction is breaking away

run away
run away
run away without you.


tugtog: Straitjacket feeling -All American Rejects

It's gonna take a lot of fireworks to clean this place up.

A healthy individual releases 3.5 oz. of gas in a single flatulent emission, or about 17 oz. in a day.

SOURCE: The Story of Farts, Shinta Cho

Last week, wala akong ibang kinain kundi fruits, fruits, tsaka fruits. No, hindi kasama dun ang tutti-fruity tsaka juicy fruit. Talagang fresh fruits lang ang laman ng tyan ko for the whole week. Not knowing na medyo acidic pala ako, by the end of the week, eto na, para akong isang walking blow horn. tututururot!!!

Halos uminit ang puwitan ko buong maghapon. I tried everything para maihinto ang holocaust, uminum nako ng maraming water tsaka ng medicine pero walang nangyari. Kulang na lang eh tumambay ako sa banyo to make sure na hindi ako ang magiging dahilan ng sudden change of weather (read: sci-tech magazine on greenhouse effect.)

I can't go to the gym because of my condition. Hindi rin ako halos maka-alis, at kung aalis man ako, eh kelangan may dala akong wind vane (para sa mga magtatanong pa dyan kung ano ang wind vane.. wind vane - n : a mechanical device which rotates freely to show the direction of the wind. ok na?!.. continue…) para safe na wala akong masasaktang damdamin. Hirap nun ah, lalo na sa crowded elevator, o kaya sa escalator.

Naisip ko, kung puntahan ko na lang kaya yung kapatid ko at sa kanya ko i-confess lahat ng "fruit-of-my-labor" sanay naman yun sa aken eh, tsaka kapatid ko naman yun, o kaya makipag jamming sa mga Jazz artist kase I feel jazzy (more of gassy)-korny ha!- hirap kayang walang kausap kundi tong pwit kong tumotorotot. Feeling ko tuloy ako "Ang Batang Tumutunog" (a story from a defunct children's show), nilalayuan ng mga tao, kinamumuhian sa barrio, ngunit naging isang superhero dahil sa kakaibang lakas at talento, kakampi ng mga naapi, kalaban ng mga kawatan (ang sagwa!)

But one can’t help not to go outside, pano kung bibili ka ng food mo? Paano kung may kelangan kang puntahang importanteng bagay, like, kelangan mong manghiram ng DVD? Buti na lang at natapos ang linggo na wala naman akong nasaktang damdamin, bukod sa mangilan-ngilang nakita kong nakakunot ang nuo at parang may hinahanap (lingon sa kanan... lingon sa kaliwa... sabay sabi, "tangena sino ba yun?!") Syempre, iwas na lang ako sa mga tingin nila at nagdasal na sana invisible na lang ako.

So far, tumigil na ang my sound of music, safe na ang lahat (pwede na kayong bumalik sa inyong mga tahanan, barrio, baranggay at mamuhay ng normal.) Bumalik na rin ako sa normal diet ko, ayoko nang maulit ang nangyari. Kakahiya kase (nahiya ka pa!)

Sa mga nakapag mura nga pala, sorry at nagkasala pa kayo dahil saken....

...TANGINA NYO RIN!!!

The unperfect heaven of melancholy

1 message received...


ex: di ka na nahiya. kung sino-sino pinapa-sleep over mo dyan sa room mo!


knelzone: huh?!? di naman kung sino-sino yun eh, cousin k0 yun tsaka yung girlfriend nya. Natulog sila dito kase hindi na sila maka-uwi kase malakas ang ulan.


(sending message...) (message sent!)



receiving message....


ex: meron naman silang mauuwian ha.. bat kelangan pa nilang mag-stay dyan?


knelzone: bat kelangan marami kang tanong? and who are you to ask me these things?...


(sending message...) (message sent!)



receiving message....


ex: Oo nga naman pala. Sino nga naman pala ako para mag tanong... Sorry ha.


knelzone: *boink!*

Lord, help me escape in heaven
I am already used to sorrow
It will be unfitting to be there


Lord , help me escape in heaven
It is perfect in all splendor
A paradise, A majestic place


It glitters in magnificent beauty
Intimidating place of perfection
Its' ambrosial fragrance
a flawless morningtide


The light it brings
secludes me from your presence
I am undeserving
human
flawed
broken
imperfect.


Lord, help me escape in heaven.

It is a frigid democracy, what we are right now are the residue of our decisions yesterday.

Decision karma

A grain of sand

Luscious for an ocean wave

Killin’ tides of solid marble pain

This is not an act

But mere deliverance

Heaven is on your side

I, an angel in the dark.

Sire roses of dissolution?

An immortal angel adores reclusion

Mendicant soul searching for reprisal

An act

A play

A joy

Liberation.

Wolves and Orcs and other servant of Melkor

Pare 1: tsong, given a chance, kakain ka ba ng buhay na manok?

Pare 2: ikaw? given a chance, hahalikan mo ba si chocolate (yung bading) sa lips? torid ha!

Post:

Daylight falls upon the path, the forest falls behind
Today I am not prey to dark uncertainty
The shadow trembles in its wrath, I've robbed its blackness blind
And tasted sunlight as my fear came clear to me

I think I understand
Fear is like a wilderland
Stepping stones or sinking sand

Now the way leads to the hills, above the steeple's chime
Below me sleepy rooftops round the harbor
It's there I'll take my thirsty fill of friendship over wine
Forgetting fear but never disregarding her

Oh, I think I understand
Fear is like a wilderland
Stepping stones and sinking sand

Sometimes voices in the night will call me back again
Back along the pathway of a troubled mind
When forests rise to block the light that keeps a traveler sane
I'll challenge them with flashes from a brighter time

Oh, I think I understand
Fear is like a wilderland
Stepping stones or sinking sand


-- I think I understand by Joni Mitchell

soul one

This caught me by surprise. I have never thought there's an existing song entitled "soul one" from Blind melon. woah!
Soul one was included in their new and final album, "NICO." I am not really sure if the album was released here in the country during that time. It was also said that "soul one" was the first song ever composed by Rogers Stevens (guitarist) and Brad Smith (bassist) for the group. Nico, on the other hand, is a gift for Shannon Hoon's daughter Nico Blue, who was 13 and a half weeks old during the time her Dad died.

"Soul one" appeals a little bit soppy, for me. But one can't deny how striking the lines are, like, "Should of never taken the time/'Cause I found myself living a lonely lie /You said, you left to find yourself /But I never, no I never got the chance to say good-bye."

and, "She was my soul one/I though she was......."

The song is a complete achievement for Smith and Stevens , for capturing the feeling the song wanted to imply.

Here is the complete lyrics of the song "Soul one." Now, bleed... hehehe.

Soul one -Blind melon

How come, girl was there when I needed one
How come, girl was there when the song is done
Some say, open your eyes to a brighter light
Okay, open my arms they were right

She was my soul one
She felt she was the only one
She was the sun, the sky blue eyes
She was my soul one

Inside, pain in my heart often made her cry
Outside, I cursed the birds and the sugar sky
How long take to realize she's the one
How long until I find my lost and lonely soul one

She was my soul one
She felt like the only one
She was the sun, the sky blue eyes
She was my soul one

Should of never taken the time
'Cause I found myself living a lonely lie
You said, you left to find yourself
But I never, no I never got the chance to say good-bye

She was my soul one I though she was.....

Cats dont have names for everything because they know who they are

The Brain -
What bravado to study something so complex and so …well … incomprehensible! What chutzpah to talk confidently about what we know in spite of the vastness of our ignorance.


I saw myself standing at the edge of a cliff, 40,000 ft. high, sharp-edged rocks at the bottom. My brain says, "jump off! and you will die."
My heart says,"jump off! and you will fly."

and so..

i leap.


you die? you fly?


No. I fall.

The Balance

Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.

He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?".

"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, but cold and harsh while southern Europe is going to be poor but sunny and pleasant."

"I have made some lands abundant in water and other lands parched deserts. This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a group of islands and said, "What are those?"

"Ah," said God. "That's the Philippines, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful beaches, rivers, mountains and forests. The people from the Philippines are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent and humorous and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as carriers of peace and love."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there would be balance."

God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the idiots I put in the government."

A place to stay

"You can't go back to your own home or your old job or your old life. none of those things exist. up there , you don't exist... You'll just have to make the best of it down here, in the sewers and the magic and the dark." And then, marquis smiled, hugely, whitely: a gleaming grin, monumental in its insincerity.
-NEVERWHERE by neil gaiman

In living it, is a dead end
this is where i never thought it would lead
In as much as we wanted it to be sweet
the thought was just too sour to bend

To juxtapose is a foolish sigh
a gripping claw inside
i lost sight of another
a run towards a doorway

Yes, where there is Life
there is Death
and in between, there's Time
and Love is overshadowed by everything else

Alone and back again
back at a place without rules of time and space
In a dark, damp and frigid tunnel
dark, damp and frigid

... and a song mellowing inside my mind;

And there's a Danger in Loving somebody too much
And it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough

Window XP inspirational edition

There was a story i've read last year about these two poor souls sharing a room inside a hospital. Share ko lang dito, kase it taught me a lot of things about life and how you make of it.

Feed the seed!

The Window
By : AuthorUnknown

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour a day to drain the fluids from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.

The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation. And every afternoon when the man in the bed next to the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed would live for those one-hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the outside world.

The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake, the man had said. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Lovers walked arm in arm amid flowers of every color of the rainbow. Grand old trees graced the landscape, and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance. As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene. One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man could not hear the band, he could see it in his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words. Unexpectedly, an alien thought entered his head: Why should he have all the pleasure of seeing everything while I never get to see anything?

It didn't seem fair. As the thought fermented, the man felt ashamed at first. But as the days passed and he missed seeing more sights, his envy eroded into resentment and soon turned him sour. He began to brood and found himself unable to sleep. He should be by that window --- and that thought now controlled his life.

Late one night, as he lay staring at the ceiling, the man by the window began to cough. He was choking on the fluid in his lungs. The other man watched in the dimly lit room as the struggling man by the window groped for the button to call for help. Listening from across the room, he never moved, never pushed his own button which would have brought the nurse running. In less than five minutes, the coughing and choking stopped, along with the sound of breathing. Now, there was only silence-deathly silence.

The following morning the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths. When she found the lifeless body of the man by the window, she was saddened and called the hospital attendant to take him away. No words, no fuss.

As soon as it seemed appropriate, the man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone. Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look. Finally, he would have the joy of seeing it all himself. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed...........

It faced a blank wall.

Two Lefts don't make a Right... But three do.

The nematode (worm) Caenorhabditis elegans ages the equivalent of 5 human years for every day they live, usually expiring after 14 days. However, when stressed, the worm goes into a state of suspended animation that can last for 2 months or more. The human equivalent would be to sleep for about 200 years.

Paano kaya kung lahat ng tao eh ganito yung magiging reaction when under stress. Yung they would be in a state of suspended animation, siguro mga mukha tayong living dead. hmmm.. on the other hand, people when stressed undergone feelings of depression, disgust, anger and rejection, in which can lead to health problems such as headaches, upset stomach, heart disease or even stroke. Siguro mas maganda yung suspended animation compared to these health problems.

So learn how to manage stress. Proper cardiovascular training and maintaing a healthy diet helps, also avoid nicotine, excessive caffeine and other stimulants. As for me, I'll be a worm.

Creation of a new moon part 2

Huli na ng makitang tinanggap mo pala
Titig ng langit
Hinagpis sa unang luha
ng mga punong sumasayaw sa huni ng mga ibon
Dugo ang hampas ng hangin sa mga sayaw nito
Ayaw na rin sanang pansinin pa
ngunit gusto ko lang masaktan
Tulad ng sakit na nararamdaman
ng mga bulaklak na iyong inaapakan
Na lanta na't putol putol
Ang pag-hinga'y
Iyak ng kamusmusang alay
Bawat titig ng mga salita ay utos
ng sakit na iyong nararamdaman,
At ramdam ko rin
itong usal ng hangin na iyong nilalanghap
Na dugo ang hampas
Sa mga punong sawa na sa awit

Dig down deep within this narrow labyrinth and bear witness to the horrifying fiend of truths that lie herein.

Developed and systemized addiction to contradiction

This requiem of madness

Thru words of neutralized lies and beauty of governed insanity

My eyes blurred of truth as to where I should be

To where, to whom this infection belonged

Guarded… secured… and protected.

Password embedded.

Throat or consequence?

i went to a doctor yesterday, pina check-up ko yung throat ko at ayon sa findings ng isang eksperto, i have Pharynxgitis, in lay-man's term: inflamation of the throat... the doctor told me na in no time i will have a rockstar voice. oh yeah! can't wait to have videoke nights with a voice like that. At eto na nga, i have a harsher voice today, sobrang sakit ng throat ko i can't talk normal. Ayus sana kase rockstar voice na, kaso hindi naman makapagsalita. So everything i have to say, i have to write, for example, pag nagagalit nako and i can't control myself from anger, ganito sinusulat ko, PU$@!&**&NA NILA!!! MGA BUWA*^@%$#NGNA NYAN!!!, kahit papano censored naman, kasi nakakahiya sa magbabasa. Eh pano pag i have to... lam mo na.., kelangan ba isulat pa sa kausap ko? madali lang, i will just have to gesture wait and then run, holding my crotch or my behind, alam na niya yun.

I just hope na yung psychedelic medicine na binigay saken ni doctora ay mag-work, kase the only thing i think it do is to blurr my vision and take me to wonderland. Parang sa Matrix, i'll take the blue pill, then, tapos, suddenly, maya-maya, kasama ko na si angel locsin na lumilipad sa polluted atmosphere ng mega manila.

Having a swollen throat is a very serious matter. I guess, i just have to take my medicine and take a lot of rest, just like the doctor told me. But still, with a voice like this, i really have to belt it out... "remember meeeee!/kapag nag-iisaaaaaaaa!...."

Creation of a new moon

Sa aking pagtingin wari’y di mapansin, kabaitan ng buwan sa’yong mga mata

Nangungusap bituing nagniningning, kumikinang ang mga ngiting ang iba’y di mapapansin

Sa mga sekretong sulyap at dampi ng malamig na hangin sa aking balat, ika’y diwata at lahat ay tila isang likha nitong paraiso ng mutya

Isang gabing tulog ang pag-asa, sa mga sulyap, tingin at ngiti na di ko na rin halos mabasa, sana’y mapakitang ubos na sa luha

Kunwari’y masaya na lang, kunwari’y humihinga pa, sana’y mapaabot sayo sa mga basag na salita na humahampas sa pagkukunwari

Ako’y tubig at ika’y ang batong aking hinahampasan

Sayo, ang mga bulong ay nagsasabi…

Payabang!

Tito: pare alam nyo ba? yung lolo ko sobrang manhid nun sa katawan, talagang walang pakiramdam. Akalain nyo ba naman minsan nadapa yun, dumudugo na yung tuhod nya hindi man lang nya napansi'ng may sugat pala siya, nakauwi pa nang bahay.

Vic: Ah wala yan sa lolo ko. Yung lolo ko sobrang walang pakiramdam. Akalain nyo ba namang minsan nasaksak yan sa tagiliran nang tiyan nya ni hindi man lang nya naramdaman. Alam nyo ginawa ah? Nag mahjong pa ha!

Joey: Ano ba yang mga lolo nyo napaka-sensitive. Alam nyo ba? yung lolo ko napana ng sibat nung natutulog yan, aba! Sa sobrang manhid ni-hindi man lang nagising sa sakit!

Tito, Vic: Eh anong nangyari?

Joey: Ayun hindi na nagising kahit kailan.

Mosaic Mind

Do you remember the space built by each hair stroke?

Do you remember every breath taken with high notes of anger?

I don’t remember them anymore.

Do you?

Do you?

Every zonrox smelling room, burnt by your grace

Of passion

Of lust

And of beauty

Of dancing little fires, which fumes rises up above

Choking Heaven

How lovely

How pungent

How striking

Now, do you remember?

Do you fucking remember?!

How every kiss killed me!

How every embrace murdered me!

HOW EVERY FUCKING YOU MASSACRED ME!!!

You are my many mask of innocence

My many little enemies

Ahh you have so many voices

So many

So many are you in me…

PAPAL PROPHECIES

Saint Malachy O’ Morgair, also known as Maolmhaodhog ua Morgair and Maol Maedoc, was an irish monk born in 1904. Pope Clement III canonized him; it was the first canonization of an Irish saint. The most famous and best-known prophecies about the popes are those attributed to St. Malachy. He was a miraculous healer and a clairvoyant.

In 1139, St. Malachy went to Rome to give an account of the affairs of his diocese to the pope, Innocent II. While at Rome, he received the strange vision of the future wherein was unfolded before his mind the long list of illustrious pontiffs who were to rule the Church until the end of time. St. Malachy then gave his manuscript to Innocent II to console him in the midst of his tribulations, and that the document remained unknown in the Roman Archives until its discovery in 1590 (Cucherat, "Proph. de la succession des papes", ch. xv). They were first published by Arnold de Wyon, and ever since there has been much discussion as to whether they are genuine predictions of St. Malachy or forgeries. The silence of 400 years on the part of so many learned authors who had written about the popes, and the silence of St. Bernard especially, who wrote the "Life of St. Malachy", is a strong argument against their authenticity, but it is not conclusive if we adopt Cucherat's (Abbé Cucherat) theory that they were hidden in the Archives during those 400 years.

Each of his prophecies was appointed intricate, imaginative, and at times rather magical titles or mottos. Those who have undertaken to interpret and explain these symbolical prophecies have succeeded in discovering some trait, allusion, point, or similitude in their application to the individual popes, either as to their country, their name, their coat of arms or insignia, their birth-place, their talent or learning, the title of their cardinality, the dignities which they held etc. For example, the prophecy concerning Urban VIII is Lilium et Rosa (the lily and the rose); he was a native of Florence and on the arms of Florence figured a fleur-de-lis; he had three bees emblazoned on his escutcheon, and the bees gather honey from the lilies and roses.

Apparently, in 1958, before the Conclave that would elect Pope John XXIII, Cardinal Spellman of New York hired a boat, filled it with sheep and sailed up and down the Tiber River, to show that he was "pastor et nautor", the motto attibuted to the next Pope in the prophecies!

According to the prophecy our beloved Pope John Paul II had sadly positioned second to the last in this controversial list. I posted in here the list of this prophecy.

The Prophecies

Pope No.	Name (Reign)	Motto No.	Motto (and explanation)
167	Celestine II (1143-1144)	1	Ex castro Tyberis (from a castle on the Tiber) Hist.: Celestin II was born in Citta di Castello, Toscany, on the shores of the Tiber
168	Lucius II (1144-1145)	2	Inimicus expulsus
169	Eugene III (1145-1153)	3	Ex magnitudine montis (Of the greatness of the mount) Hist.: Born in the castle of Grammont (latin: mons magnus), his family name was Montemagno
170	Anastasius IV (1153-1154)	4	Abbas Suburranus
171	Adrian IV (1154-1159)	5	De rure albo (field of Albe) Hist.: Born in the town of Saint-Alban
Antipope	Victor IV (1159-1164)	6	Ex tetro carcere
Antipope	Paschal III (1164-1168)	7	Via trans-Tyberina
Antipope	Calistus III (1168-1178)	8	De Pannonia Tusciæ
172	Alexander III (1159-1181)	9	Ex ansere custode
173	Lucius III (1181-1185)	10	Lux in ostio
174	Urban III (1185-1187)	11	Sus in cribo
175	Gregory VIII (1187)	12	Ensis Laurentii
176	Clement III (1187-1191)	13	De schola exiet
177	Celestine III (1191-1198)	14	De rure bovensi
178	Innocent III (1198-1216)	15	Comes signatus (signed Count) Hist.: descendant of the noble Signy, later called Segni family
179	Honorius III (1216-1227)	16	Canonicus de latere
180	Gregory IX (1227-1241)	17	Avis Ostiensis (Bird of Ostia) Hist.: before his election he was Cardinal of Ostia
181	Celestine IV (1241)	18	Leo Sabinus
182	Innocent IV (1243-1254)	19	Comes Laurentius
183	Alexander IV (1254-1261)	20	Signum Ostiense
184	Urban IV (1261-1264)	21	Hierusalem Campaniæ (Jerusalem of Champagne) Hist.: native of Troyes, Champagne, later patriarch of Jerusalem
185	Clement IV (1265-1268)	22	Draca depressus
186	Gregory X (1271-1276)	23	Anguinus vir
187	Innocent V (1276)	24	Concionatur Gallus
188	Adrian V (1276)	25	Bonus Comes
189	John XXI (1276-1277)	26	Piscator Tuscus
190	Nicholas III (1277-1280)	27	Rosa composita
191	Martin IV (1281-1285)	28	Ex teloneo liliacei Martini
192	Honorius IV (1285-1287)	29	Ex rosa leonina
193	Nicholas IV (1288-1292)	30	Picus inter escas
194	Nicholas IV (1288-1292)	31	Ex eremo celsus (elevated from a hermit) Hist.: prior to his election he was a hermit in the monastery of Pouilles
195	Boniface VIII (1294-1303)	32	Ex undarum benedictione
196	Benedict XI (1303-1304)	33	Concionator patereus
197	Clement V (1305-1314)	34	De fessis Aquitanicis (ribbon of Aquitaine) Hist.: was archbishop of Bordeaux in Aquitaine
198	John XXII (1316-1334)	35	De sutore osseo (of the cobbler of Osseo) Hist.: Family name Ossa, son of a shoe-maker
Antipope	Nicholas V (1328-1330)	36	Corvus schismaticus (the schismatic crow) Note the reference to the schism, the only antipope at this period
199	Benedict XII (1334-1342)	37	Frigidus Abbas (cold friar) Hist.: he was a priest in the monastery of Frontfroid (coldfront)
200	Clement VI (1342-1352)	38	De rosa Attrebatensi
201	Innocent VI (1352-1362)	39	De montibus Pammachii
202	Urban V (1362-1370)	40	Gallus Vice-comes
203	Gregory XI (1370-1378)	41	Novus de Virgine forti (novel of the virgin fort) Hist.: count of Beaufort, later Cardinal of Ste-Marie La Neuve
Antipope	Clement VII (1378-1394)	42	De cruce Apostilica
Antipope	Benedict XIII (1394-1423)	43	Luna Cosmedina
Antipope	Clement VIII (1423-1429)	44	Schisma Barcinonicum
204	Urban VI (1378-1389)	45	De Inferno prægnanti
205	Boniface IX (1389-1404)	46	Cubus de mixtione
206	Innocent VII (1404-1406)	47	De meliore sydere
207	Gregory XII (1406-1415)	48	Nauta de ponte nigro
Antipope	Alexander V (1409-1410)	49	Flagellum Solis
Antipope	John XXIII (1410-1415)	50	Cervus Sirenæ
208	Martin V (1417-1431)	51	Corona veli aurei
209	Eugene IV (1431-1447)	52	Lupa cælestina
Antipope	Felix V (1439-1449)	53	Amator crucis
210	Nicholas V (1447-1455)	54	De modicitate lunæ
211	Callistus III (1455-1458)	55	Bos pascens (grazing ox) Hist.: Alphonse Borgia's arms sported a golden grazing ox
212	Pius II (1458-1464)	56	De capra et Albergo
213	Paul II (1464-1471)	57	De cervo et Leone
214	Sixtus IV (1471-1484)	58	Piscator Minorita
215	Innocent VIII (1484-1492)	59	Præcursor Siciliæ
216	Alexander VI (1492-1503)	60	Bos Albanus in portu
217	Pius III (1503)	61	De parvo homine
218	Julius II (1503-1513)	62	Fructus jovis juvabit
219	Leo X (1513-1521)	63	De craticula Politiana
220	Adrian VI (1522-1523)	64	Leo Florentius
221	Clement VII (1523-1534)	65	Flos pilæi ægri
222	Paul III (1534-1549)	66	Hiacynthus medicorum
223	Julius III (1550-1555)	67	De corona Montana
224	Marcellus II (1555)	68	Frumentum floccidum
225	Paul IV (1555-1559)	69	De fide Petri
226	Pius IV (1559-1565)	70	Æsculapii pharmacum
227	St. Pius V (1566-1572)	71	Angelus nemorosus
228	Gregory XIII (1572-1585)	72	Medium corpus pilarum
229	Sixtus V (1585-1590)	73	Axis in medietate signi
230	Urban VII (1590)	74	De rore cæli
231	Gregory XIV (1590-1591)	75	De antiquitate Urbis
232	Innocent IX (1591)	76	Pia civitas in bello
233	Clement VIII (1592-1605)	77	Crux Romulea
234	Leo XI (1605)	78	Undosus Vir
235	Paul V (1605-1621)	79	Gens perversa
236	Gregory XV (1621-1623)	80	In tribulatione pacis
237	Urban VIII (1623-1644)	81	Lilium et rosa
238	Innocent X (1644-1655)	82	Jucunditas crucis
239	Alexander VII (1655-1667)	83	Montium custos
240	Clement IX (1667-1669)	84	Sydus Olorum (constellation of swans) Hist.: upon his election, he was apparently the occupant of the Chamber of Swans in the Vatican.
241	Clement X (1670-1676)	85	De flumine magno
242	Innocent XI (1676-1689)	86	Bellua insatiabilis
243	Alexander VIII (1689-1691)	87	Pœnitentia gloriosa
244	Innocent XII (1691-1700)	88	Rastrum in porta
245	Clement XI (1700-1721)	89	Flores circumdati
246	Innocent XIII (1721-1724)	90	De bona Religione
247	Benedict XIII (1724-1730)	91	Miles in bello
248	Clement XII (1730-1740)	92	Columna excelsa
249	Benedict XIV (1740-1758)	93	Animal rurale
250	Clement XIII (1758-1769)	94	Rosa Umbriæ
251	Clement XIV (1769-1774)	95	Ursus velox
252	Pius VI (1775-1799)	96	Peregrinus Apostolicus
253	Pius VII (1800-1823)	97	Aquila rapax
254	Leo XII (1823-1829)	98	Canis et coluber
255	Pius VIII (1829-1830)	99	Vir religiosus
256	Gregory XVI (1831-1846)	100	De balneis hetruriæ (bath of Etruria) Hist.: prior to his election he was member of an order founded by Saint Romuald, at Balneo, in Etruria, present day Toscany.
257	Pius IX (1846-1878)	101	Crux de cruce (Cross of Crosses) Hist.:Pius XI was the last Pope to reign over the Papal States (the middle third of what is today Italy). He ended up being a prisoner of the Vatican, never venturing outside Vatican City. A much heavier burden than his predecessors.
258	Leo XIII (1878-1903)	102	Lumen in cælo(Light in the Heavens) Hist.: Leo XIII wrote encyclicals on Catholic social teaching that were still being digested 100 years later. He added considerably to theology.
259	St. Pius X (1903-1914)	103	Ignis ardens (ardent fire) Hist.: The Pope had great personal piety and achieved a number of important reforms in the devotional and liturgical life of priests and laypeople.
260	Benedict XV (1914-1922)	104	Religio depopulata (Religion laid waste) Hist.: This Pope reigned during the Bolshevik Revolution in Russia, which store the establishment of Communism.
261	Pius XI (1922-1939)	105	Fides intrepida (Intrepid faith) Hist.: This Pope stood up to Fascist and Communist forces lining up against him in the lead up to World War II.
262	Pius XII (1939-1958)	106	Pastor angelicus (Angelic Shepherd) Hist.: This Pope was very mystical, and is believed to have received visions. People would kneel when they received telephone calls from him. His encyclicals add enormously to the understanding of Catholic beliefs (even if they are now overlooked because of focus on the Second Vatican Council, which occurred so soon after his reign).
263	John XXIII (1958-1963)	107	Pastor et Nauta (pastor and marine) Hist.: prior to his election he was patriarch of Venice, a marine city, home of the gondolas
264	Paul VI (1963-1978)	108	Flos florum (flower of flowers) Hist.: his arms displayed three lilies.
265	John Paul I (1978)	109	De medietate Lunæ (of the half of the moon) Hist.: Albino Luciani, born in Canale d'Agardo, diocese of Belluno, (beautiful moon) Elected pope on August 26, his reign lasted about a month, from half a moon to the next half...
266	John Paul II (1978-2005)	110	De labore Solis (of the eclipse of the sun, or from the labour of the sun) Hist.: Karol Wojtyla was born on May 18, 1920 during a solar eclipse. He also comes from behind the former Iron Curtain (the East, where the Sun rises). He might also be seen to be the fruit of the intercession of the Woman Clothed with the Sun labouring in Revelation 12 (because of his devotion to the Virgin Mary). His Funeral occurred on 8 April, 2005 when there was a solar eclipse visible in the Americas.
267	???	111	Gloria olivæ The Benedictine order traditionally said this Pope would come from their order.
268	???		In persecutione extrema S.R.E. sedebit Petrus Romanus, qui pascet oves in multis tribulationibus: quibus transactis civitas septicollis diruetur, & Judex tremêdus judicabit populum suum. Finis. (In extreme persecution, the seat of the Holy Roman Church will be occupied by Peter the Roman, who will feed the sheep through many tribulations, at the term of which the city of seven hills will be destroyed, and the formidable Judge will judge his people. The End.)

Sources: Catholic Encyclopedia 1913 edition;

Phil. Star (A Special Tribute to Pope John Paul II, April 8, 2005);

http://www.catholic-pages.com/grabbag/malachy.asp