It is the best and the worst of my seasonal mood disorder. I never thought I could inflict emotional turmoil upon myself. I could change myself into a self-destructing monster and at the same time send bad vibes to others. Change my bodily chemistry into a cancerously damaging cell, to the point that my mind could not take it any longer. A self-infliction of pandemonium. I don’t know how it all started. I have no idea how it came to be. At least now, after the storm (inside my head), I know exactly what I wanted in life.
I cant say I’m already in peace with myself, I’m under post-war period. I just hope this calm will last longer. And no, I’ve taken no drugs, no, no. I wish I could take one though, those anti-depressant pills. And yeah, I’ve also came to a point of committing suicide, but I though, where’s the adventure there? Ending it all. It’s pretty tempting ending your life and see what happens after, discovering the next “world.” Is it also as poisonous as this world? Is it also as conflicting? Is it more peaceful there? But then amidst all the questions clouding your thoughts, something flicker just above your temple. Time. Telling you such a rubbish idea. 1:00 am of February 10th told me, “You are not as smart as you think you are, you are not as pogi as you think you are, sleep now, then tomorrow start sailing, your adventure is about to begin.”
Where to?
As far as my imagination can take me.
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